I said, "But... It's Mother's Day."

Remind me that when "Obscure-Men-from-the-Internet Day" comes up that I'll spend the weekend with my mother while Larry hides back in the computer room, or doesn't bother with the hassle of visiting at all. This is all very awkward for me, and it doesn't help much that this guy could possibly be a stunt-double for my former step-father. He seems like he may have had a bit more fun in the sixties--a bit more fried-out than Rick was, if that's possible. But anyway, I'm sure he's a very nice guy and if it makes my mother happy, then fine. However, I'm just not up for it now. I came along for the ride with Rick because I had no choice. If I had, I likely wouldn't have. But anyway, I did... I did even after I'd turned 18 and graduated from high school, just as much for me and my getting through college as for staying around to be moral support for my brother and my mom.

I just don't have it in me to do this again. Not so soon anyway.

I'm also experiencing a small bit of paranoia regarding this journal and work. The other day when I went off on my tangent about being a depressed teenager and the depression diaryring and whatnot, my supervisor said something to me that I found to be kind of weird. She pulled me aside to ask me if everything was okay, if there was anything bothering me... that I seemed a little "off" today. Now, I am delighted that she showed concern. It's more than I can say I've had in quite a while from someone over me at work. However, for about 2 weeks before that I was in an absolutely terrible, terrible, grumpy, all-around awful mood for really no good reason. Just because it happens once in a while... I do my best to shield work from it because really, it doesn't, often times, have anything to do with work. Well anyhow, 2 weeks of grumpy and before that about 2 months of frantic, disorganized chaos where I'd just as likely set someone's head on fire with my mind as stop and talk to them. Finally, I was actually in a pretty good mood and (from my perspective, at least) felt like I was being exceptionally social that day. I wasn't overwhelmed, I've finally got a handle on things and I had an easy day that day anyway. It was just really odd that that was the day when I seemed like something was bothering me. The only thing out of the whole day that I can point out myself that might have given any clue that I wasn't feeling well was my entry here. Even that didn't really mean anything. When you've been up and down with depression and the like for the past 11 years, you kind of get to the point where you can talk about it (in certain venues) like you talk about the weather if you really want to. So maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I'm thinking maybe when my gold membership runs out and a few months later when we get a computer at home, maybe it'll be time to change my diaryland address as well. Start over new, as it were. We'll see how that goes.

Au Revior.

Before And After

Would I get a discount if I birthed the baby in the store? - 5/16/05
The end is near? - 5/13/05
The progession of me - 5/10/05
Cleaning update - 5/7/05
Pre-nesting - 5/7/05