I'm so friggin' sleepy! --Written on: Monday, Oct. 06, 2003 ~~ 08:21
Uhg. What the hell am I doing here? I sort of knew that once I actually got into the semester that I'd be less excited about it than I was 5 or 6 months ago; I had no idea that Mondays and Wednesdays would soon become my absolutely most-dreaded days of the week. I am not happy with this arrangement. I do not want to be here... And now, I can't do anything about it or else I've flushed a substantial amount of money down the drain. No, I have to stick it out... Get my passing grade (C or better)... And then make a firm resolve never to enroll in classes again until I'm actually ready to devote more of myself to it. It's just not time for me to be here now. Really, the only thing I can say that I feel like I've gained from coming back to school is that they reactivated my computer ID here. So now I can wake up way too early and come check my email and visit Diaryland before I go to class.The main problem I'm having is just that my work schedule has conditioned my body to not fall asleep until around 2 AM, with or without work and with or without an allergic husband. I really just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling or ponder how awake I am until such time as my body wants to doze off. On a normal day, this is fine. On a school day, it makes for only 3 - 5 hours of sleep, which I don't deal with well.
So here I am stating, for the record, that I made a huge miscalculation in coming back here now. Enrollment status and tuition reimbursement is not enough of a reason to have come back. Hopefully, if I should begin to feel that same sense of false-motivation about 3 weeks after this semester is over, I will come back here and remind myself that it isn't time yet. I just don't have enough of myself: time, money, motivation, sleep and need, to give right now. It's just not time. It's just not worth it, at the moment.
Stay Tuned...
Before And After
Would I get a discount if I birthed the baby in the store? - 5/16/05
The end is near? - 5/13/05
The progession of me - 5/10/05
Cleaning update - 5/7/05
Pre-nesting - 5/7/05
